If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
