dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
