got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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