And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
