My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
