I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
