why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
