Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
