Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
