Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
