His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
