i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
