a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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