Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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