i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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