...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
