i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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