I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
