i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
