I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
