Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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