...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
