Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
