Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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