Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize