Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
