I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize