Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it's great music for shaving your balls
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I am available for nakedness
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
