where am i from again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
