hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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