Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
