it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
