you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
