I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can text with my tongue
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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