I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
