Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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