i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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