Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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