Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
