Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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