If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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