Bisexual people are plain selfish.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
