I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
