drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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