i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
