If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
