Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
