on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
