So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
