he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
