dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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