yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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