he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
