sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
