NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
