I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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