have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
