Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you never un-have a 4some
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize