Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
