mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
