i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
