Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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