im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize