Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
