you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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