My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
