As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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