I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
