its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
