She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize