Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
