I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize