Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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