Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
