Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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