Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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