Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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