super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
