Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize