I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
