He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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