idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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