the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
