East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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