If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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