i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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