At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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