Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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