Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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