I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
