I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
