After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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