Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
