You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
